Last week, my beloved Leeds United finished top of a poll of fans to find the most hated Football League club in England. Although I knew that because of our rivalries with Man U and Chelsea, and with other smaller Yorkshire clubs like Bradford City, Huddersfield Town and Sheffield Wednesday suffering from inferiority complex, we would be right up there. But above M********r United? Seriously?
Anyway, here’s a list of clubs who should be more hated than us, and why:
M*********r United
Although they came second, they’re worse than us. They were at the forefront of the commercialisation of football. They started the whole ‘prawn sandwich’ culture. They’ve got hardly any fans from their home town. Roy Keane. Cristiano Ronaldo. Wayne Spudface. The Neville Brothers. At least FC United’s fanbase has some principle.
Chelsea
They brought Ken Bates into the footballing world. They assumes a key role alongside the scum in developing the ‘prawn sandwich’ culture. Also, under Jose Mourinho and Avram Grant, they bored the arse off millions of people. And they’ve got a bigger group of far-right supporters than we have. Oh, and don’t forget the oligarch owner.
Liverpool
Simply for the decade of tedium that they’ve inflicted on their own fans, oppsing fans and millions of TV viewers. Not even their comeback against Milan in the Champions League final a few years ago can redeem them.
Millwall
Nazi fans. Perhaps even more than Chelsea and Leeds combined.
Sheffield United
For giving us Kevin Blackwell, the man who makes Kevin Keegan look like Ottmar Hitzfeld. And they’ve got a few dickhead fans.
I was going to put Villa in, but Martin O’Neill and the disappearance of Doug Ellis has let them off. Middlesbrough’s Benitez-ish tendencies also made them candidates, but they’re nothing like as bad as the five clubs that made it.
Why you shouldn’t hate Leeds United:
- Albert Johanneson, the first black footballer in the country
- Eddie Gray. Would be the best winger in the world today
- Our record 37-pass move against Southampton in 1972. Amazingly, the Mirror said that was a reason to hate us, but when other clubs do it, they get applauded
- Lucas Radebe: nicest man in football. Also, if it wasn’t for him, Rio Ferdinand and Jonathan Woodgate wouldn’t be the players they are today
- We’re the only club who could potentially rival Man U as a superclub. All we need to do is get rid of Bates
- We deserve sympathy because we’ve had five arsehole chairmen in a row: Bill Fotherby, Peter Ridsdale, John McKenzie, Gerald Krasner, Ken Bates
- All our fans hate those chairmen more than other fans do
- We have to pay £600 for a season ticket to watch League One football
That’s all I can be arsed writing at the moment, but there’ll be more football-related stuff coming soon
Anarchoaspie
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